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Fashion: NO! Edition One

26 May

I’m adding a new feature here which is just essentially going to be my opinions on what I call a “No” look. If you’ve ever been out with me at the mall or people watching or something you’ve probably heard me say out loud “No” when I see a particular look pass by that just should not be happening.

A look will solicit this reaction from me based on two criteria:

1. Particular pieces should’ve never been made, let alone worn. (Just because they sell it doesn’t mean you should wear it.)

2. A really cute look is not working on a particular shape because for whatever reason they let their friends talk them into looking bad or their mother never taught them the golden rule of dressing for their bodies at EVERY age.

Prime example of rule #2 I have been seeing lately:

This look was designed for people with the body type of this model, a.k.a. teenagers.

Not that people older then teenagers can’t wear this look, they just better not have hips, or a butt, or thighs because while they might feel amazing, to the rest of the world they end up looking more like:

So before this post spins out of control here is, in my opinion, some of the latest bad ideas from stores popular with the 20- 30’s set:

I don't even know where I'd start here.

Unless you're Pocahontas you probably should stay away from this.

This reminds me of either a really ineffective tablecloth or a curtain you hang over the door of your doin' it room.

NO. Never OK.

Every season Anthro has a real "What?" dress. This is this seasons.

The combination of the one shoulder and short hem line make this look like either a dress for a little girls dance recital or a shirt missing it's pants.

No joke, when I imaged searched this dress several moo moos populated with it.

Who is this made for? The average American woman should NOT be wearing a hem line this short.

I don't even know. This looks trashy not sexy. Gypsy?

I’m clearly no fashion expert and have and do make many a fashion faux pas (like flip flops whenever possible and wearing a dress 15 days in a row just to wear it all the ways) but based on the styles I’ve been seeing lately I feel like we’re living in a fashion apocalypse. I realize my main issue with current fashion stems from my ideas that the younger trendier looks seem terrible (seriously, if I was a teenager right now, and knew better, I would be so angry about my clothing options) and I’m in a fight to obtain a more grown up, body appropriate look of my own that is still stylish not necessarily trend setting and it’s mildly overwhelming.

However, I think it’s time for this girl to finally accept I’m not forever 21 and perhaps $60- $80 for a pair of jeans that fit my body type perfectly (my body wasn’t on the design board when skinnies were created) and $50 on a fitted blazed to go with isn’t that unreasonable if it keeps me from wearing the sausage casing that becomes my favorite $5 H&M knit mini. And I should also begin to acknowledge that shopping at department stores instead of throw away fashion shops will probably offer me more flattering fits.

I think what I’m ultimately trying to get across is there is a look for every age, personality and body type. These looks might not be the hottest trends but should always look good on that particular person because they put forth some effort and found their style niche. I mean even some of the above styles have the potential to work for someone but I still think if I saw them walking around I would say “No.”

And remember, no matter what anyone says: going out and buying all the latest pieces at H&M and Urban is not a style, that’s just lazy. Now go forth and stop wearing ugly.